Math English lesson

The editors of Laboratory Equipment want you to start your week with a smile of your face. With years of science experience we’ve heard every science joke there is. So, here are some jokes we think you might like.


Q: How frequently should you make science puns?

A: Periodically.

Q: Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

A: Because it was polar.

Q: How did Heisenberg respond when a cop pulled him over on the highway for speeding and asked him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

A: “No, but I can tell you exactly where I am.”

Q: What do you do if a chemist gets sick?

A: Well, if you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.

Q: What is a cation afraid of?

A: A dogion.

Q: What happened after the two behaviorists had sex?

A: One turned to the other and said, “That was great for you, how was it for me?”

Q: Why don’t you ever hear new chemistry jokes?

A: All the good ones argon.

Q: How many analysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three: one to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a non-constructive algorithm to do it.

Q: What does the little mermaid wear?

A: An algebra.

Q: What’s a mathematician’s favorite dessert? 

A: Pi!

Q: Why can’t you trust atoms?

A: They make up everything.

Q: What happened to the criminal light?

A: It ended up in a prism.

Q: What did the photon say when he checked in to a hotel and the bellboy asked if he needed help with his luggage?

A: “No, I’m traveling light.”

Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle?

A: Because if you add four to four you get ate!

Q: What is the difference between a psychotic, a neurotic and a mathematician?

A: A psychotic believes that 2+2=5. A neurotic knows that 2+2=4, but it kills him. A mathematician simply changes the base.

Q: Why did Schrödinger work in a tiny garage?

A: Because he was a quantum mechanic.

Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife?

A: Half of an egg, because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.

Q: Why did the mathematician divide sin by tan?

A: Just cos.

Q: What do you get when you add two apples to three apples?

A: A grade school math problem.

Q: Why did the student do his multiplication homework on the floor?

A: His teacher told him not to use tables.


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